What happened to the soundclick players on the posts?

Seems Soundclick has finally disabled the embedded player.

I notice overnight all the music links on this blog are gone. Here is a blog post on how much that affected my hits: https://anttismusic...

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Losing My Mind On The Internet

Losing My Mind On The Internet

By Antti Luode

I have been writing to Usenet for years. I started reading it back in 1988
and I soon realized that Usenet is much like the story "Alice In Wonderland".
There are all sorts of characters, some of them real and some of them not so.

But one thing Usenet always had was fights. Trolls. Shadow figures that you
just could not figure out. Lonely people striking out their anger at their
randomly chosen targets.

After years of not writing to Usenet, I began writing there once again this
last spring. I once again began writing to a poetry group. Just like the one
where I found my ex wife from. Sitting at coffee houses, trying to write a poem.

Meanwhile, there were others. All sorts of figures. The bored elder scientist
types, who enjoyed writing. The ones who wrote short stories and were published with accolades - writing occasional poems.  The musicians like me who sent their poems / songs on very frequent basis.

There were also divides. One side was thinking they were superior to others.


One fellow I really felt for. Was a former US vet who was homeless. Living
under a blue tarp. He was posting a lot, taking a side of a certain musician who
was getting a lot of flak for posting too much poetry / songs.

This 60+ fella had served 4+ years in the US navy in the eighties but had
 been dishonorably discharged supposedly for some minor infraction.

I heard he had worked at some garage until about 10 years ago when he had
been in a car accident - after which he had become homeless.

Now. I have my political opinions. I do not believe in the "survival
of the fittest". I guess becaus myself, having been extremely fit person,
having had thoughts that I WAS somehow better.

I have learnt that there are things in life that can drop you on your knees
and there is nothing you can do about it. Here in the Finland I used
 to vote for the center / right.

But then I got bleeding vein in my brain - epilepsy, my wife left me.

I have fallen on my knees.

Realizing the people I had voted for were instantly trying to disassemble
the health care system here. Just like the right in UK or USA.

I began voting for the social democrats.

I understand there are certain things that you just can not overcome.

The man under the blue tarp. The US vet. I could have been him if I had been
born in the USA. In US if I could not afford my medications which would
have been 1000 dollars a month without insurance. I would have been dead.

This man. I believe he is stuck in a situation very similar to
mine. He is on his knees, the people who do better than him judge him,
 saying things like "Just go to work."

He has been homeless for 10 + years and has a alcohol problem.

Would you hire him?

Now he still is artistic. Writing poems, painting. Doing the best he can.

In Finland we have a program called "Housing First". In which even alcoholics
and drug addicts get a apartment, no questions asked. I said about this
 on the forum, people there said that is wrong.

I was called a communist.

I realized that if US vet can not get housing in US. Me, in my position,
I would have been wrapped in a blue tarp of my own. Dead.

So this man. Was posting a lot to the Usenet. You could say it was his lifeline.


Usenet forums are real life. People do nasty things to each other. On the forum
I used to write to, one person ended up sleeping with the girlfriend of
another guy he was in flame war with.

On this forum. The man living under a blue tarp was really getting on
 the nerves of the "better poets". But not just the better poets, the shadowy
 trolls posting under aliases that had been traced to anonymous TOR servers
 around the world.

Yes. People were looking on to the identities of these people because just
like mosquito or corona virus. They were irritating.

So some of these "better writers" and trolls. Were ganging up on driving this
homeless man out of the forum because he was taking the side of the
above mentioned musician.

There was tremendous amount of fake personas created to irritate these two and
the more the two posted. The more the fake personas were putting pressure on
the two.

It all culminated this past month as I was taking the side of the homeless man
 and I was voicing out my political opinions.

They said plainly that he should die.

I tried to plead to them that they could be the man. Speaking from personal
experience, knowing what had happened to me could happen to anyone. After
all, anyone can get a brain tumor, cancer or end up in a accident they do not have
insurance coverage for.

Instead of listening, they drove this man out with vague innuendo about
harassing him with police. . Understanding that he could be thrown to a
crowded prison, understanding he might get corona there and die.

He left.


I began looking in to the background of one of these trolls who had
attacked him.

What do I find?

By a sheer astronomically bad stroke of luck for "her". A number she had
used at the end of her email handle leads me to a forum dedicated for
 outing romance scams.

Then the email handle directly leads to another page (only one hit in the whole internet) with pictures.

Same woman is featured on both.

Now reading about the scam. The woman claims she wants to come to west
and that she is from Kazakhstan. The emails had been traced to Russia as well, the way she talked on the forum hinted to that too.

At this point, I realize. I have no idea who I am talking with.


I realized. I can not take on the whole world.

I mean the story certainly is more complicated than I can imagine.

Someone held the camera to take the picture. The text that "she" had written
on the romance scam website was very forceful. Very masculine.

One of the poets who was on my side suggested that she could be he due to the language she used.

Is this the person who held the camera, or the one who is in the pictures?

A semi famous Jewish writer had written on the forum and he also was
looking in to the identity of these people. He had found out that one of
the fake persona created to irritate the musician had been posting from
Kazakhstan. He ended up having a heart attack afterwards.

Due to that the musician told me to be careful.

Then my paranoia got the better of me.


Just this past week we heard that Russia had offered a bounty on the heads
of American / Nato soldiers in Afghanistan.

Online a battle is raging.

There are spies on all sides sending comments to online forums
trying to influence the minds of the readers. Sites such as Reddit are known
to host vast amounts of Russian / Chinese people commenting on threads
trying to sway minds.

I began thinking, maybe the forum I stumbled on to was some kind of a
training ground?

Maybe someone wanted to hurt the former US vet and did so by swaying minds.

I heard there is a whole building dedicated for this in St Petersburg Russia:


For a second I was thinking was someone else behind the handle?

Romance scammers? Russian Mob? FSB?


I am sick. My emotions run wild because a part of my brain that was supposed
to be full of neurons is a cavernous hole instead.

I spent the last weekend with the above mentioned story. I could not let
it go. As my life has closed in to just me, internet and my immediate
surroundings. I obsess about things I should not.

Just this morning I was looking for a cottage fit for a "crazy man". A
place far away from the civilization where I ideally could cut myself
away from the human interaction. Maybe just fix the place and live there until
I die.

Because I know I do not mix with people very well anymore. No doubt due
to the damage to the emotional control center in my brain.

The story I told above is true. But thinking there was a threat, thinking
I should be worried per the warning of the above mentioned musician. That
was going too far.

Now I do not believe that foreign intelligence services would obsess over a
poetry group. I do not think that the comments in which death was wished upon
the above mentioned musician and the homeless person were really serious.

Although the people behind them did risk the life of the homeless person.

These days, in a crowded prison, you can catch a corona and die.

But for a while. After seeing the pictures match.

Anything was possible in my mind.

I guess this is how conspiracy theories start.


Today, I read that internet has become a incubation chamber for hatred:


We do things online that we would not do in real life. The former navy
soldier who wrote short stories and drove the homeless person (who also was Navy vet) away from the group.

 I doubt he would have done that had he known him in the real life.

Maybe he would have brought him a tent and a sleeping bag instead.

Me. If I knew the troll who I looked in to.

Who knows. Maybe we would have had nice chat and we would have held
back our political opinions.

People who disagree after all, agree to disagree in real life most of
the time.

But on the internet. We are brought face to face with all sorts of people.
People we do not agree with. People with holes in their heads. Homeless
and the rich get to talk to each other.

Today I am going to a neurologist, she is going to explain to me if I will
have a brain surgery or not. I am in risk of dying. From a disease.

Who knows, maybe she will tell me I am goner.

I guess for a moment there, signals were mixed.

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Out In The Rain

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.7:

The FLP file is at: (41 Out In The Rain.zip)

Runaway Emotions

Original name for the project was "One Trick Pony" 

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.7:

The FLP file is at: (40 Runaway Emotions.zip)

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

Saturday, June 13, 2020

As The World Turns

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.7:

The FLP file is at: (37 As The World turns.zip)

So Raise Your Hand

I wrote lyrics to the M1 instrumental.. 

So Raise Your Hand 

i wish life was simpler 
like when we were children 
before we grew up 
before the dreams 
were set on fire

so here we stand 
for something we believe 
it does not burn in fire 
so raise your hand 
and point it at the old 

Life is a fight to the end 
there is a darkness on the streets
we gotta fight 

see the greed its leads astray 
the ones who lead us everyday
doing deals 
dirty deals 

when time's standing still 
and future seems hopeless 
you gotta pray

for God to give you strength 
fod God to give you peace 
in the night 
before the dawn
of a new day 

so here we stand 
for something we believe 
it does not burn in fire 
so raise your hand 
and point it at the old 


The project is made with FLstudio v 20.7:

The FLP file is at: (36 So Raise Your Hand.zip)

Friday, June 12, 2020

Digital Concerto (V3)

A piece from 2014 remade the third time.

I took off "divided we echo".. It is just too tedious to listen to with all the
echo breaks..

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.7:

The FLP file is at: (35 Digital Concerto (V3).zip)


There is one soundfont player playing a soundfont from choir package:

kbh real choir (mix choir) 

There are 5 soundfont players which are playing sounfonts from the "Strings" package.

The first one is 048 florestan strings, second is aaviolin (fast violin no rel), third is same
as second, fourth is 045 florestan pizzicato and fifth is concerto cello.

 Don Allen's Timbres of Heaven soundfont (used by flstudio soundfont player to play orchestral kit)


Synth 1 by Ichiro Toda:


Monday, June 8, 2020

Pot Of Gold

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.7:

The FLP file is at: (32 Pot Of Gold.zip)

It uses:

NI Massive: 

Divided We Fall

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.7:

The FLP file is at: (31 Divided We Fall.zip)

It uses:

Impact Soundworks Rhapsody Orchestral Colors: (Celli / Choir) 

Saturday, June 6, 2020

M1 Up North In Lamborghini Countach

EDIT: I added more drums, massive bass, harmonies and a bongo. Also messed with the ending. 

So I found out a old freebie I got with my Korg keyboard. M1 LE 

M1 of course was the famous keyboard that defined a lot of late eighties / early nineties music and 

Here. I am using its "Filmscore" preset.

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.7:

The FLP file is at: (30 M1 Up North In Lamborghini Countach.zip)

Reflections On Death / How to use convolution reverb to make ambient music

How I made it

The piece

A piece in Which I decided to put a 7 minute recording of rain to FL Studio Convolver Reverb. 

I included the entire 7 minute rain wav on the project file, that is why it is so big. 

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.7:

The FLP file is at: (29 Reflections On Death.zip)