What happened to the soundclick players on the posts?

Seems Soundclick has finally disabled the embedded player.

I notice overnight all the music links on this blog are gone. Here is a blog post on how much that affected my hits: https://anttismusic...

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

In To The Blue #scifi

EDIT: 07 / 01 /2020 I finished the story which continues past 2030.

In To The Blue

By Antti Luode

So 2020 rolled around. I was beat down and broke. Getting old double time, no triple time. Losing my mind on a rocket speed. But that was alright because I was making music. That no one was listening to. But hey. A tune is a tune.

The beginning of twenties I spent lying in my bed. Taking medications that made me forget about the world outside, watching movies when I was not sleeping. Officially a mentally disabled person with nothing to look forward to.

Until that fateful day.

Lets just call it delivarance. Oh crap, that is not how it is written. Deliverence? No, it is not that either, damn spell correction, well, lets try it one more time. Deliverance?  Bingo, we have a winner.

Anyhow, back to the source of my deliverance.

Deliverance btw if you did not google it means, "The act of being rescued or set free.".

Well, Jesus Christ did not step down from the heaven even though I had been going to church a bit
and praying for that final meal ticket at the end of my miserable life. It was not that.

It was.



A miracle drug set me free in the first part of 2020.

The only catch was. It had side effects.

You know how it goes in life. No stroke of luck comes without equal stroke of bad luck. I know, enough with the stroking. Even though..

Ahh.. My mind sometimes, it just leads me to bad places. To baaad places.

But, enough with that. Lets go back to my delivarance.. Crap. I misspelled it again.

Yes. There was a drug that magically cured my epilepsy and my bi polar disease. No more feeling like I was going to be electrocuted to death from inside. Ripped up like the poor bastards on board Nostromo in the movie Alien.. Like the poor victims on the other side of that door in that movie with Jack Nicholson.. Oh waith, they did not die right?

Yes. My mind is rambling.

Ahh.. Yes. There was a cure.

Indeed. But the catch.

It turned me to a woman.

No, I am just kidding with you.

It did not do that.

It turned me to a sheep?


It gave me..


Yes. That was it. The pill in question had been developed by Elon Musk and was supposedly
able to heal any mental disease as he promised. And yes. I rushed to USA when I first heard about it.

Sold all my possessions and left. Just like that. To have that magical pill.

And boy did I get it.

That fateful day at the Neuralink laboratories in California.


I was dead tired from travelling to Los Angeles. With the flight included and the previous day
that I could not sleep I had been up some 48 hours. Honestly I was seeing little green men walking
on the street where I knew there were none. But the good thing was that I was not lonely.

The green men all were walking to the same direction as I was. The Neuralink industries main
building where I had been graciously allowed to pass to.

It was not a ordinary day. It was end of the worst decade in my life. It had started with me being
in the best shape of my life at 35 and it had ended up with me being both mentally and physically disabled by my epilepsy.

Yes, my back was broken, my mind was in shambles and I was pretty much Gods joke. Just a loser
with nothing to look forward to in the future. So little wonder the promises of Elon Musk of a pill that will "Heal all mental disease including epilepsy". Had made me.. Lets just put it this way. Hopeful.

I knew I was dying, one way or another. Either by the horse pills (referring to their size and and multiplicity) or by the disease. I knew I was not going to make it far in to the 2020´es without
a cure.

But here we had a promise of a future.

Sure the price had been a little bit steep. 200 thousand dollars for one pill that was not to be digested but instead it was to be sewn inside my skull along with a device that was going to change the way my brain would function.

Each time I was going to get a seizure, it would alter my brain activity and instead of seizure. Something else was to happen.

I walked in.


I was not scared by a brain surgery.

I was dead man walking anyway.

When I went under. I wished for death or cure.

When I came out under the smiling faces of surgeons. I knew something was different.

There was this. .

Surge in happiness.

That was the only way I could describe it.

I had been miserable for most of my life due to my bi polar 2. Which I had been happily unaware
of before.

But now. I just could not stop cracking jokes.

My first words to the surgeon were.

"Did you choose the color of your hair cover, blue? Really? Did you feel you have to conform
with others? You could not do anything more adventurous?" , he winked back at me and said.
"Look who is talking, you half human, half machine."

Cyborg. Yes. I was.

I was, I was. I know I repeated the word twice. But..

I was lying there. The surgeons walked away and in truth.

I had a cybernetic implant.

See. I was in a test program.

This was not much talked about. But I had tweeted something to Elon Musk about wanting to be a test subject. And one night, I got a email from Elon Musk saying that he wants me to pay for the procedure, but if I was willing. I could be one of the test subjects.

And now it was done.

"How do you feel?", someone asked me from the back of the room.

I turned my head to see and saw.

The grinning face of Elon Musk.

"Pretty ok.", I said.

"We are boosting the funny part of your mind right now.", Elon said.

"Sorely needed.", I said and grinned back.

I had been the most miserable person on Earth for most of my life. So yes. I needed funny.

"I did not die.", I said.

"Yes, or heaven was not what it was cracked up to be.", Elon said back.

"Ahh. Cracked. There really needs to be a joke about cracked heaven, but I for one can not
think of one right now.", I said and closed my eyes.

"Heaven of Crack addicts.", I said watching in to the darkness behind my eye lids.

"What would that be like?", Elon asked.

"Well, there probably would not be as much blowjobs for strangers as there are in real life.", I said
and opened my eyes, looking back at Elon grimacing at my bad joke.

"Did I go too far?", I said.

"Man..", Elon said.

Two weeks later I walked out. Tiny box in my belt constantly monitoring my brain activity and sending results back to Neuralink headquarters.


So what is a newly divorced cyborg to do in Los Angeles.

Well, I did not do what you think I would do in that position for starters.

Instead since I was allowed to have a visa on medical grounds. I had to get a job.

I did not become a famous musician if that is what you expected of me.

No, instead I got a job at a greasy spoon washing dishes.

Yes. That was about the best I could find. Now my back was keeping me from standing all the time.
So I had to get a special chair made. So I sat in that chair 10 hours a day, washing dishes.

And no, I was no longer epileptic. There had been a shift in my thoughts. My mind was tuned to the
frequency of jokes. I could not stop joking. I was a funny man. Which was weird, because in my previous life I had been the most miserable sack of excrement you have ever know. Not that you dear reader (my mom?) would have known me. Well, for the exception of my mom of course.

So I was washing dishes in a greasy spoon and telling jokes for everyone who wanted (most did not) to hear. I was telling jokes like it was going out of.. Hmm. How should I put this? Well you know clothes have to conform to certain styles. What is that called? Starts with H? B? No.. F!

Yes, you know. My mind was full of holes from the lost decade and I could not stop telling jokes,
nor washing dishes. Because if I had stopped, I would starve to death since on my greencard I was not allowed to have any other kind of social assistance than standing in a bread line with the rest of the poor people of Los Angeles.


So I got my self a place. It was a tiny room with this disabled woman who could barely breath and was hooked up to a oxygen bottle at all times. But she was a funny disabled woman. She did not expect much from life. If I brought home bacon fries with a double bacon swiss cheese hamburger, she was happy.

I was happy too. I was not thinking of my old life in Finland much. I was not getting daily seizures and I was able to leave my horse pills behind. I was exercising a little bit. Old, but not dying actively as I had been in my earlier life. There was a promise of future.

I was flirting a little bit with the idea of marrying the old woman. Making a honest woman out of her, not that she was honest. She was lying though her teeth at all times. But at least I could trust she would not tell the truth.

Which was good with me.

So we were living in this God forsaken place in the middle of Watts. Police sirens and gunshots were our background noise and in the darkness, the sub bass blaring gangsters made me feel right at home.

I was becoming another person.

I guess you could say I discovered my inner black person. Which was weird because I had been white my whole life. Reading the news and thinking about politics. I could not give a rats ass anymore about those things.

I was thinking about.

Rap music.

I had never felt rap music that much.

But here I was as 2020 was coming to a close. A white man with cybernetic implant, trying to come up with rhymes for a rap song.

I did not even realize I was doing that.

I guess it happened organically, washing dishes at this grease spoon, ten hours a day. Listening to rap.

I began to "Get it.",

It was not what I thought it was about.

It was not about the girls and guns and the alpha male bullshit I thought it had been about.

It was about the life in Ghetto.

Now I was part of the ghetto.

Sure the ghetto people were laughing at me every day, pointing at me and saying things like.

"Shiiit.. Here comes the terminator.", since the secret had got out.

But you know what?

I was not dying and I kind a belonged there.


The first time I installed the music software back on my computer I knew what I was going to do.

I was not going to rap. It was one of the young kids outside who was going to rap. I was going to
produce. My job at the greasy spoon had left me a little bit of money to rent this crappy one room
office where I had set up a studio.

There, in that studio. I was sitting, feeling my skull with my right hand, thinking about my ex wife.
Waiting for the kid to come in.

When I say kid. I mean kid, this kid was 15, I heard him rapping on the bus every day. Singing songs of his peoples. Rapping like a machine gun. Wearing a bandana, dangerous, full of life.

And i was going to produce this mother copula tor.

Why did he choose me?

Because I had written a instrumental piece that worked.

I do not know how I did that. But lets just say that I needed my cybernetic implant to do it.

Without it I would have been dying in my house back home in Finland eating the horse pills with no future. Thinking about dying every single day until I finally would have, one way or another.

Now. I was going to produce this fireball in Watts, Los Angeles.

The kid walked in.

I set up the recording.

He did his thing.

I uploaded it on soundcloud, advertised the poop out of it.

And 5 million plays later the record company was on the phone.

I had a contract with the kid.

We signed.


Million dollars later.

I upgraded the house. We moved with the old lady to a house in the suburbs. I also upgraded the studio into a slightly larger one at a slightly better part of town.

Our life changed. There was articles about me and the kid. I wrote more instrumentals that actually
evoked interest, unlike the pieces I had written when I was sick.

I kept on writing instrumental pieces. I kept on getting into contact with more and more people who
wanted to make music with me.

There were a lot of reflections on my luck.

"How could this be.", I found myself asking as I found  myself being happy for the..

First time in my life? Nah.. First time since the first few years of my marriage..

I was also owner of the greasy spoon where I had earlier worked. The people who I worked for,
now were friends for life. The bus driver of the bus line I used to use worked for me. Life was looking very different than it had on the first of January 2020.

I was going to church a lot. Praising God because I actually felt I had actually been blessed instead of cursed. I felt that maybe now God finally had forgiven me for what ever transgressions that had caused him to smite me with epilepsy and bi polar.


 Was nothing but going up. I was 47, living in Los Angles with Linda (the old woman with oxygen bottle) and I did not want sex.

All I wanted was to make music. Have friends, joke, and go to church.

My family visited me a few times. We went skiing on the mountains surrounding Los Angeles. I visited my grandmas cousin who had just turned 102 that had lived her whole life in LA.

I was thinking about how different my life would have been had my grandma moved there back in early nineteen hundreds. But she did not.

I was still Finnish man inside.

But part black.

Yes. That was the weird part. I had been married to a girl from Georgia US for 16 years. But now I was identifying more with the black culture than the white. The booming bass of black music and drums no longer gave me seizures and the feeling I got in black churches was on par with nothing else.

I was high on life.

The first megahit I wrote with the the black kid now widely known as "Fireball", was "I do not want
to die tonight.", its words were not about killing or banging. Its words were about not wanting to
do as his father before.

To go to jail, to do drugs and die.

The kid had nothing against his father. But now that he was doing well, he could see that there was
more to life than that. He genuinely wanted to help his friends back in Watts. And he worked 24 / 7 to do that.

Sure he had more sex and hip hop life style than I had. But he was still using a lot of my beats, I do not know why. But as I said, I think the only explanation could be was my cybernetic implant.

Speaking of which. I was on the Time magazine as the first human patient who had been so successful with the implant. Me and Elon had become friends at this point too. Unlike in my greasy spoon days. I guess my success had won Elon back at my side, after the bad joke about crack addict heaven.

So life was swell. 2021 ended and I turned 48


There was no greater joy for me than to help my friends. I helped every one. As they had helped me. Giving became my profession. I traveled the world to areas that had been struck by catastrophes.
Me fireball and the rest of the people on my label enjoyed nothing more than to see the faces of people who would suddenly be yanked out of their hell to a new life of promise.

Like I had been.

But there was this one little thing that was bothering me. I found myself to be drawn to certain things. Certain things that I had never identified with earlier. To certain business transactions. To certain people. One after another, I was doing things that I felt were not really me.

More and more people had been implanted with the neuralink device and a lot of us had had magical turn around in life. Things were going WELL for us. We were setting up Neuralink only member clubs. With our own golf courses and business empires.

Yes. We were becoming smart. Not just "The smartest kid on high school" smart. But Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking smart.

I had barely got through the "long" mathematics class in high school back home and I knew I was not gifted. But having glanced at mathematics books again. I knew something had changed. I actually was able to ace all questions in my old mathematics books. Interested in this new capability I was
venturing into harder and harder maths on my free time.

One evening on the June of 2021 I found myself performing calculations on quantum mechanics and as far as I knew. I was able to come up with a new theory for everything.

I went through my calculations once, twice, three times.

Then I thought about a cell phone number (Neuralink device allowed me to command devices with thought only) and was soon listening to the voice of Elon Musk.

"Look buddy, I am in middle of Tesla stockholder meeting.", Elon said to me, slightly frustrated.

"I think I just proved that universe is a quantum computer that is seeking for the morally best possible ending.", I uttered.

"I have to take a break.", I heard Elon say before he walked to quiet room and said again.

"Shoot.", he said to me.

We perfected the theory that year.


Scientific American ran the story on the cover. "Universe is just a giant quantum calculator.", after that all the other publications ran the story too. Little wonder the Nobel prize of physics was awarded to me and Elon Musk that year.

The theory had vast influences on everything from religion to nuclear energy.

See. The theory laid down the foundations for grand unified theory which had been sought after for..

Since the start of written language.

The theory was not just about the nature of universe, put everything in the nature.

From the mathematical equations I had come up on that night of June. Everything could be derived.

It was like I had stumbled on the seed for the universe.

The founding principles on what God had created the universe on.

Turns out God was searching for the best possible result for every life in the multiverse.

Meaning that all the suffering in our lives is solved somehow. Every life somehow has this turning
point after which things are good.

Everybody I knew, somehow would go through the same thing I had gone through. Every miserable
alcoholic who I saw on the street, in fact died cured, happy with their family.

It was just that I was not there to see it. Just the same way as I was magically healed by the Neuralink, every other person would have that in their life. Everyone was the center of their own multiverse.

So, all the suffering that I saw. You saw. Was just there for me.

A test of sorts I guess.

What would be after I died. I did not know.

I was a scared by the power of this revelation.

I spent rest of 2022 going to church. I gave away all my money to Linda, the woman I had been living with and moved to Tibet.


One thing that kept on bugging me was that I was drawn to certain things. Certain advertisements, thoughts. Etc.

I was assuming that Elon had added some kind of self interest to the Neuralink device. A natural draw to things that he felt were interesting.

I found myself drinking way more Coca Cola than I really liked. I was eating a lot in the golden arches, the closes thing to Mc Donalds in Tibet.

 But here I was. A Christian man in Tibet. My intentions were good.

I wanted to ascend the natural hubris. The money. The fame. The trappings of ego.

So I moved to a Buddhist monastery. The only thing that made sense after all.

Christian monasteries would have not wanted me. There was a movement that wanted to stamp all cybernetic people as heretics and I was not one to fight them.

I gave up mathematics. Thinking about foundations of universe and concentrated on watching clouds instead.

The clouds in Tibet were rare. Since Tibet is so high. Not that I got high. Although I occasionally did. There were certain potions that were needed in the ceremonies after all.

And so I watched at clouds. Mountains. People with long grooves in their faces. Like my own
face in the mirror. Yes, I was growing old. My family would occasionally call. But for the most part of my stay in Tibet. I was alone.

Yes, every now and then people would come to me and say. "Are you so and so." and I would say. "Yes in my previous life. .", and so it went.

But quiet and clouds were moving to the center stage of my life.

I began painting. Clouds.

The paintings were not much to behold and this time, I did not become very successful, turns out that even the neuralink device would not be enough to turn a 48 year old man into a genius when it came to painting.

But people were still fighting over my paintings. Not that I knew it at first. But the paintings I painted in Tibet were fought over in some circles due to my notorious eccentricity.

"Painting of a cloud by the man who  came up with grand unified theory of the universe.", turns out that would sell even if the painting itself was crappy.

I guess I knew how Einstein felt now.

But I was not that smart. The stroke of luck I had had with the GUT was only due to my childhood. I used to think about foundations of universe a lot as a child and the Neuralink device allowed me to do the mathematics needed to solve the riddle.

But without the device.

Yes. I turned the damn thing off sometimes.

I was back on pills on those times.

Feeling horrible.

Painting clouds. Thinking about my ex. Happily married by now. With second child on the way.

And here I was. In Tibet. Painting clouds.

It was one of those experimental times.

That I had another grand mal seizure.

Which broke my neck this time.

So. 2023 ended with the neuralink device back on and me being paralyzed from the neck down.


"The man who turned his back on the gift.", was the headline on "Christian today."

Privately I was thinking about "How could this lead to the best possible moral outcome of the
universe for me.", sitting in my wheelchair.

Now wheeled next to Linda. Breathing from her oxygen bottles. . A little glimmer in her eyes,
now that I was back on her side.

Us two. Physically disabled people.

So we got married.

Linda was implanted with the Neuralink device too.

We began to live in our heads more and more.

Meanwhile the Neuralink device had got a lot better.

Now, we could escape our bodies to a kind of virtual reality.

The device. Was no longer a device. It was devices. Elon was kind enough
to give us the new models that were able to project images senses and sound straight to our

Allowing us to move around in robotic human avatars.

So we were wild and free.

Linda was enjoying not being disabled in a way for the first time since she got sick 30 years ago.

I was enjoying life instead of thinking about it too deeply. I knew that somehow my life would
solve itself in a morally best possible solution. Somehow this was needed.

I got back into music business and for the most part, forgot about my real body.

Sometimes I would visit it in our big house. See the teams of nurses wheeling the shadow of
me around, locked in a wheel chair. Looking like a dead man.

"Do not worry about that.", Elon would tell me.

"Well be able to upload our minds soon." He assured me, which I knew was real. 

Every day the computers were getting more and more powerful and every day
the meaning of my biological body was less and less important.

The weird thing was that if that was to happen. I guess I might not die other than
in my physical body and if that was to happen. Then I was to live forever.

So how could that me go to heaven then? I wondered quietly at church pew sometimes.

But I still believed.

I had seen prophecies come true, so I did not doubt.


I was watching myself through the eyes of my avatar, sitting inside a machine that was scanning my mind. Meanwhile the vast wealth that I had left for Linda was used to build a massive storage facility that was to store our minds.

I did not know it at the time, but in the future the facility was to be expanded to store minds of many others. These were dizzying times. We were not yet there, but immortality was at hand.

But the thought kept on bugging me. If the uploaded me was to live until the end of universe.

What about heaven?

I was actually getting back into making music. I had created many different avatars for myself.
Some looking like historical characters.

My favorite was a avatar of old Frank Sinatra. I liked going to Vegas to perform old Frank Sinatra classics. The cat was kind a out of the bag that it was me singing. But not really me. A
robot. First I drew vast crowds, but then the technical perfection that the machine allowed me to do
began drawing less and less crowds. My performances were too perfect.

Meanwhile bad art was all the rage.

"Real." It was called.

I realized the suffering me from time before my implant would have been a hit now.

There were more and more of us avatars, doing our perfect art. Living our perfect lives, but like in the "Valley of dolls." something was amiss.

I was not happy. Even though I felt happy.

Neither was Linda.

We were thinking about our future immortality.

What would be the point?

Happy every day?

Possibly able to do things we could not imagine. Move to moons of Jupiter?

Heck. Visit Andromeda galaxy a few thousand years from now if we perfect the warp drive?

Give birth to new conscious minds that live their lives. Endlessly. Trapped in this universe
knowing that even our immortality can not help us escape the fact that the universe itself has
a deadline.

Yes. We were thinking about distant future, billion of years from now..

See that is how the human mind is. You fix one problem. The mind finds another.

Sure I would remind myself I should not think about that. Who cares about what is going to happen 2 - 22 billion years from now. Maybe we will be able to restart another universe or something.

But that is where I was.

That is where Linda was.

We were thinking about this transition that was to happen.

Because when we were visiting our physical bodies. We knew they did not have too much time.

The mind scanning was coming to close by the end of 2025 and our bodies had been hopped up on
all kinds of medicines, but they were not looking too good.

We knew we had to do something.

So we went back to our bodies.

Elon had come up with a solution for the being paralyzed bit. A implant was put to my spine that was able to bridge the gap that had left me paralyzed. Linda was healed with another device and a successful lung transplant.


turned out to be a year of our physical bodies being rehabilitated.

By the end of the year we were both walking pretty good again and Linda was breathing well for the first time in some 30 years. She no longer needed the oxygen nor me.

Yes. we had a divorce.

Linda left to live the life that she had always wanted, which did not include a musician, Christian and a astrophysicist.

So I began to withdraw to my calculations.

Me and Elon would often talk about the universe and its nature. And the more we talked, the more hopeless we got.

We would fly with the prototype Tesla flying car over the vast human mind storage facility. Then fly off to Rockies and talk about possible end scenarios for the universe.

Meanwhile Linda had wanted her mind to be wiped out of the storage all together.

Others on the other hand were uploading their minds en masse. All living their lives, thinking they would have a perfect ending as my theory had postulated.

But I was lost. Going to church my mind was full of doubt even thought I had seen the prophecies come true. Even though I was so blessed in the last six years.

My body was getting stronger. My mind was uploaded to a cloud if you like. Even if I died, my mind could be restarted in silicon. I could be copied and transferred to another facility on Mars or another solar system. All we had to do was to send some avatars that way with our minds and we could be in  multiple places at the same time.

But our physical bodies would die.

When we were to close our eyes.

There would be the leap in to the unknown. Still.

By now there was a lot of science based Christian churches, trying to alleviate the suffering of people by promising that the jump was going to be easy. Trying to explain it away. The neuralink devices on the other hand were able to protect us from too great of a pain.

In fact, if I had wanted, I could have turned off all my mental suffering, but I chose to feel some.

Because I was thinking it was telling me something important.

Everything I had dreamed of .

Was in vain.

I knew what was wrong with my life.

I had not lived a perfect life. I had hurt people, I had paid my price.

Sure I had helped a lot of people by now.

But it was not enough. The nagging feeling that my biological mind was left with, would not leave me alone unless if I turned the neuralink device on to do so.

My body was very strong again. The medications that the mid twenties brought were magical. The quantum computers and AI in unison were able to make perfect, tailor made medications that believe it or not. In 2026 healed me. Also, my spine was actually fixed.

When 2026 was ending.

I was left in a room full of golden records and newspaper articles on the walls. The trophies of my success.

But one face there made me lose my sight on all that.

The face of my ex and me. Standing next to each other in 2002

That was not to be.

No matter how wealthy I had got. No matter how smart.

I could not win her back.

And my mind could not be happy without her.

So I walked out.

Went to Tibet once again.

After a targeted memory wipe kindly provided to me by Elon.


I opened my eyes. I saw mountains.

I saw a cloud. I was strangely drawn to the cloud.

I was thinking.

I remembered my name. Distant childhood.

I looked at my body.

It was withered and old.

I was aching all over.

There were what seemed like Buddhist monks all around me.

On the altar on the front of us someone was burning incense.

There were dragon gargoyles staring at me from these massive wooden

I looked all around and did not see any trees.

I wondered where they came from.

I sighed.

I felt like I have to pee.

I opened my mouth and to my surprise I spoke Nepali language.

"Who am I", I asked out loud.

"You are one with the cloud", a monk said to me next to me and continued praying.

I looked at the cloud.

It did not have much of a substance. It was a white cloud, not too large. With shadows on its
bottom. Moving gently towards the distant mountains. It was not hurried. It was not angry.
Kind. In fact it did not have a emotion.

But I did. I felt peace.

That year.

I learnt to be me again.

I was told I had asked and received a targeted memory wipe.

Past 30 years of my life wiped away. But I was shown articles and told that
I had lived for sure.

I was also told that I had spent the 2010 to 2020 in living hell and that I should be happy
I do not remember that time.

Weirdly, I felt like I was ok with that explanation.

But one thing was missing. I did not believe in the prophecies. I was told I had had prophecies,
I saw a video of myself testifying about the said prophecies. But it was like watching a video of
another person testifying in a church.

It was all very weird.

So I stayed in Tibet.

I developed a intense friendship with our religious leader.

He was telling me about Buddhism. About being present in the moment and he had my unwavering
attention. There was nothing else to attend to after all. All electronic devices were forbidden.

In fact most things were forbidden, expect for endless sit downs, meditating. Thinking about
nothing at all. Just observing the world around and inside of us.

Letting it be, to go by like that cloud on the sky.

After all we were passing through this life just like the cloud, temporary.

And I was fine with that.


I was visited by a strange man. I did not know him. He had a rugged face. I heard that people called him Mr Sinatra. I assumed he was a look a like, since I knew Sinatra was dead. He looked at me with great compassion. But I did not really care for him. He seemed to go on endlessly about the universe and what it is all about.

It was very weird but he cared for me almost like one would care for a child.

I found it somewhat creepy.

The only thing I liked was him singing songs to us. His rendition of "Angel eyes", "My Way" and "New York, New York". Were better than the original. Mindblowing really.

When he left. I was happy. But the memory of the songs got stuck in my mind.

No one told me anything about the world outside. Yet, I was strangely drawn to making music.

But I thought about my life. What I remembered of it. I had always been a listener, not a maker.
I had thought about physics, politics, news and so on. I was not really a musician.

So I did not pursue that. Even though I would play the monastery bells and hit the gong occasionally.

So who were there with me? There was Sajith, Devance and Amir. All very old.

Infact, our group consisted mostly of old farts, close to dying one way or another.

One by one we went. Sajith was close to seventy, he always told me. "Do not look back. There is nothing in life worth holding on to.", I was trying to be ok with his answer.

I guess I was. I was told my life earlier was nothing to really read about. Nothing to behold, I was
told that I was happier now than I had been in my previous life.

And I was not really miserable. Devance and me would sometimes play cards. Amir and me played a game called "Civilization" on a forty year old pc that had been forgotten in one corner of the monk compound by some crazy American millionaire.

We were all looking forward to passing on like a cloud.


Nothing ever changes in Tibet. Expect for the wings of Canadian geese flapping by during some seasons and the few trees losing their leaves only to grow them again.

It was in the new year leading to 2029 that I had a weird idea.

I wanted to climb the Mount Everest.

After all I was used to very high mountain air and there was nothing else to do.

I was not tired of sitting with my fellow monks.

But it just seemed to make sense.

Few weeks later I heard that the news of my wish had been heard by some people who
wanted to help.

And I woke up to the sound of blades moving massive amount of air. A helicopter?

"Come on Antti.", Amir was saying as he hurried in to the room, clad in what I recognized were
mountain climbing clothing and gear.

"We have everything we need to climb Mount Everest.", Amir said with a smile.

I got up from my creaky bed and walked outside. There, a massive quadcopter was sitting
on the ground, surrounded by the monks, touching its surface, its back open with a few
pallets of climbing gear and people who were speaking English.

"Hello Antti Luode.",  a man said, grinning. "I heard you want to scale Everest?", he said.

"Yes. I think I should be able to do it.", after all I am dying like all of us. So why not die
today?", I said and shook his hand.

"Will Smith.", the man said and took my hand. Watching me once again very warmly, in a way
that reminded me of my meeting with Mr Sinatra look a like.

"Nice to meet you Will Smith. Are not you that actor?", I said.

"Yes! I heard about what you wanted and wanted to help.", Will said with a grin


We began with training.

It was grueling for our old bodies.

But we were used to grueling in the monastery.

I also remembered I used to exercise in my youth a lot.

So it was not new to me.

We were treated with several medications that were supposed to strengthen our bodies and help us in climbing the Everest.

We started small.

We scaled few local mountains.

We got stronger by the day.

Time went by.

I kept on watching at the clouds.

Dreaming of the day when I would fade like one of those clouds.

In to the blue.

Me and Amir had a lot of talks about that day.

"You know there is no fear in passing.", Amir would tell me.

"There is only change from one state to another.", he would continue as we climbed up the mountain.

"The thoughts will cease and you will be like the wind.", he said. Smiling. Stopping.

Devance cracking a joke about the wind behind me.

"Way to break the feeling.", I would say back to Devance.

Sajith on the other hand would seriously just go on.

Waiting on to the next life as wind.

By the end of our training.

Sajith became the wind.

He just did not wake up one morning.

Smile on his face.

In his funeral the feeling was very transcending.

Will Smith kept looking at us like we knew something that he did not.

I spoke with him sometimes. About the incredible fact that he was there, that I had had memory wipe,
about how the old me was. But then I would interrupt. "I do not want to know.", and I did not.

I did not want to know, I was happy where I was. Looking forward to walking up the worlds tallest mountain.

June first 2029

We were all sitting in our tents at our last camp before reaching the summit of Mount Everest.

I was reading a bible that I got from a couple that had broken in to our summer cottage when I was a child. They had left it with a note. "We are sorry for living in your cabin, but we had hard times." They had cleaned the whole cabin and left that one bible.

On the front page of it was my name written with almost unrecognizable hand writing of a 7 year old. On the section of it where there were "The dead relatives." I had written down the name of my grandpa written with the same blocky letters of a first grader.

I was beyond broken. Our ascend had been hard. It would have been hard for a twenty year old, let alone for a 56 year old not so healthy man.

But I was determined to go on.

The only person in our group that seemed like it was no problem was the mysterious Will Smith.

I did not understand how a human being, especially one as old as he. Could be so non chalant about a
climb. Another thing that I was marveling was how he did not seem to eat. He said he had a bit
in his tent. But he was getting by with very little.

It was morning.

We got up.

I looked at the summit, at the blackish sky above it. The vast mountain range going towards India behind me. I thought about my life. How it had been. How I heard it had been. And how it would be.

I was going to reach the summit of Mt Everest today. Maybe Passing away on the way. But I was going to reach it. In spirit or in body. I did not care.

Neither did the rest of us.

It was nothing to the rest of us monks. They did not believe in conquest, but they did believe in friendship and they were following me. I did not know why. But they were following me.

We packed our tents. We began walking up the icy mountain side.

I was walking on the front. Occasionally we came by dead bodies that had frozen in the ice,
trying to do the same as we were doing today. God knows why. Some of them very rich, very successful. Knowing they could die. They came here.

I guess they had reached their dream.

We were walking up.

Behind me, the monks were humming a prayer.

Will Smith joined along, he was fantastic. It seemed that just like Sinatra, he could emulate any sound.

I knew there was more to it than that. But I did not want to know.

I knew my life before had been so fantastical and miserable at the same time that I did not care to know any more mind blowing secrets. Secrets that I knew my past life was shrouded in.

So up we walked. One step at a time.

In to the blue.


The setting could not have been more grandiose. The top of Mount Everest. The wind was howling.
We had just reached the peak with the rest of the monks and me. The sky was blackish blue.
I was watching at my own dead body.

The rest of the climbing party gathered around me. The monks that old me had been with were very calm and poised. Saying how I had become one with the wind. If only they knew, I was right there watching myself.

My eyes closed, my hand on the face of the old me. My body already cooling down in the bitter cold wind.

I opened my eyes and watched at my hand touch the face of the dead me. The black hand of the Will Smith replica. I knew it was just metal and flesh look a like on the top.

Inside. I was not here. I was somewhere in a supercomputer running a copy of my thoughts. Which were not the thoughts of me who had just died.

"Go with God". I said to my own dead body.

Stuck down here.

For God knows how long.


It came earlier than predicted and as soon as it came.
Biological humans were useless.
Like ants crowding the Earth, they could not do anything compared to the ai programs made to emulate the brain.
Or people like me, running inside a supercomputer, connected to all the knowledge of the world.
The singularity from the viewpoint of biological human beings must have seemed like magic.
Suddenly there was a cure to everything. Cancer? Cured! Lou Gehrigs disease? Cured! Anything really.. Cured!

Devices jumping 10 - 100 generations at once. Devices coming out of nowhere that no one
could even imagine a few years earlier.

But you could not cure the problem of transition. The end of biological human beings.
I mean, my biological body was dead. Lying in a grave for a year now. Who ever that me had been, was in the next world. What ever that was like.
I still remembered the Christian prophecies I had witnessed, which kept me going to church. But this time we were living in, seemed rife for end of times.
Did I have a soul?
I did not know. I did not know what soul could be. Other than the collection of algorithms running in the neural network that had been copied from my brain. Did those algorithms of my biological body survive into some world outside this universe. I did not know.
But else, I knew everything.
If you were in this world and the information had been picked up by your cell phone, or was written down in the internet. I knew it. Instantly.
So the only thing that remained was the question. What did we not know. Which is what the AI superminds were endlessly trying to figure, which is what led to the singularity.
Suddenly, if there was a question. There was a solution.
The physics had evolved into mathematics so complicated that biological human minds were just not able to follow. They could command AI to solve the problems. But the solutions seemed as simple as a phone book. They could not hold the data. Indeed, they could not understand.
Together with Elon we had accelerated the Mars project. Which had been combined with the moon project, with the Venus project, with the Jupiter.. Rest of the solar system really. There were rockets on the way everywhere. Most of them carrying super computers and avatars able to house minds like me. Able to command avatars that could work in such a speed that they could build a small town in a week.
Capital of Mars? Done! Floating city in Venus? Done! Submerged town in Europa? Done!
The problem from a human viewpoint was that it was all too much. They could live the rest of their lives in leisure if they wanted. But that was not appealing.
Everyone wants to have a purpose. And compared to us AI superminds, what was that purpose to be?
Most of them turned to religion. Churches, mosques and synagogues were packed. The speed of the evolution scared people like nothing else.
End of times was here.
But it did not come. At least yet.
There were a lot of us superminds now. A lot of them had split into multiples. Elon Musk being one of them.
There were more copies of Elon Musk than pirate versions of Sim City circa 1990. Which was a lot.
Elon was in Mars, Jupiter, Moon and so on in multiple copies. Commanding avatars that were working in a speed that left normal people wondering about the sudden breeze without any seeming cause. Which was Elon flying by on his way to some new task that his mind was taking.
There was no more peace for us superminds, unless if we wanted to just shut down most of us.
Then the question became. If we shut ourselves down to consciousness only. With few parts of us functioning. What was the point of just being?
A state I had enjoyed vastly when I was a biological human being. But now, since I never felt bad if I did not want to feel so.
What should I have rewarded myself with? Since I could enjoy anything if I wanted.
Feelings after all were just simulated dopamine and endorphins running in the supercomputer simulation of dead me.
What was the point of us being almost all powerful inside machines that could seemingly do almost anything.
Expect for one thing. One question.
What was outside this universe.
That was the question now.
Also, could we create a universe of our own.
Which was basically the same question as what humans had asked since they began to talk. Is there a God?
I knew we were not all powerful in the end. The universe kept us in like a sheep is kept on a pasture. We could not venture outside of it. If there was something outside of it.
So all our seeming wisdom. The exponential potential compared to a normal human mind. Made us incredible. But not all powerful. We had a limit.
Which was something that people who had been excited about singularity did not anticipate. We were supposed to be like Gods. But we were not God.
For us superminds existing in a cloud being able to understand the world of quantum physics was now like walking and talking. Which humans naturally could have understood if that was what our brain was tasked to do. Walking and talking after all was a very complicated task.
A biological brain actually does incredibly complicated calculations to do those tasks. So even the most mentally disabled human being who can walk and talk. Is actually a walking super computer on par with us superminds. With the difference that a natural human mind can not be expanded.
I had harnessed a literal mountain of supercomputing power that was part normal computing, part neural network computing, part quantum computers running in a grid.
All for one problem.
How could the person who had spoken the prophecies to me years earlier tell me about future events as they had happened?
Elon Musk had postulated that universe could be a simulation.
He would rather believe in that.
But I knew the prophet who had spoken the prophecies to me. The prophet was just a human being who was deeply religious. I knew when the prophet got the prophecies, there was a dread of what is to happen. It left a impression I could not shake, even with the mountain full of computing power.
I was running through probability estimations. Simulating the events again and again as my mind recalled them. I was going through extremely complicated calculations trying to understand if there could be some kind of quantum entanglement inside the brain of the prophet sending signals back and forth in time.
But there was the known catch that quantum entanglements can not transmit information as far as we knew.
In the end of the day I took one of my Sinatra avatars for a cruise and went to Las Vegas.
Walking up and down the strip the people came to me with a slight fear. Knowing who I was. Some of them wanted pictures. Some grimaced at me with borderline hate.
There were new churches that were downright genocidal when it came to us superminds. I was one of the only ones whom they tolerated since they knew I believed.
But that had not helped my standing with the rest of us.
Some of us were actually already planning on leaving the solar system for good in fear of possible uprisings against us. Elon I knew had already sent copies of himself out to who knows where.
But here I was. Sitting at the bar in Ceasars palace. Drinking whiskey after whiskey. My brain simulating the effect. Most of me shut down.
"Hey cyber Frank, sing us a song.", a slightly overweight drunken gambler said to me..
"Ash, I am just too tired.", I said, watching at my glass.
"I thought you would never get tired.", he said back to me with a interest.
"No if we do not choose to feel so.", I said and glanced at him with a tired smile.
"Why would you do that?", he said back at me and sat on my side ordering a whiskey with rocks himself.
"Lets just say. The universe escapes my understanding today.", I said, defeated.
"Does not it always though?", he said as the bar tender handed him the glass which he picked up and took a sip.
"For us, it usually does not. But there are things we do not understand.", I said.
"Like what?", he said to me with a interest putting his glass down.
"The same things that bother you. That bothered me before I became a supermind.", I nodded and took a sip from my own glass.
"Like?", he said with a interest burning in his eyes.
"God.", I said.
He closed his eyes.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.", he said..
"Ecclesiastes 1:18", I said and sighed.
"Boy, is that true.", I said and bit my tongue, reaching out for a glass.
"But I thought you guys can not be sad.", he said to me shaking his head.
"Tell me buddy, why do you keep on doing work?", I said to him sipping my whiskey.
"I mean you do not have to do anything anymore.", I said to him.
"Because it makes me happy?", he suggested.
"But sometimes it makes you sad right?", I said smiling.
"Yea, I guess!", he said smiling back.
"Well. If we were always happy, what would inspire us?", I said.
"Nothing I guess?", he said.
"Yes. Sadness is inspiring. Happiness not so much.", I concluded, sipped the last of my whiskey and got up.
Standing there suddenly I felt my consciousness fade.
I came back to.
The salesman was looking at me. People had gathered around me.
"How could he pass out? He is a supermind, did he run out of juice or something.", people were chattering.
The salesman was right above me, others were glancing on their cell phones.
They all seemed to be in shock.
Somebody handed a cell phone to the salesman.
I saw his face become serious.
I tried to turn on my news feed but I could not.
Something was wrong.
"Do you know about this buddy?", he asked from me showing the cell phone.
It was the CNN main news page. "Nuclear explosion rips through memory storage facility in Colorado springs."
"Fuck.", I said and reached for a cell phone in my pocket that I had for bad times.
I chose the number for Elon and listened to him instantly answer.
"Elon buddy? What happened?", I said with slight honestly felt shock.
In the past it had housed the Norad command center for nuclear war. But now it was converted to a supermind memory storage and computing facility.
The security was beyond tight.
There was no movement in or out of the facility without thorough scans and verification after verification for the people passing through.
But this delivery got a free pass.
It was tiny gray box with nuclear warning sign on its side.
A person pushing it was clad in blue overalls, whistling as he went. Behind him there were heavily armed security personnel.
They came to a massive metal door. The door opened.
Two guards following it were talking.
"It is not every day you get to transport nuclear rods for a nuclear reactor.", he said with a slight grin, watching at the crack opening on the other side of the door.
"Is not this amazing place?", the other guy said to him and shook his head.
"The computing power here! It is beyond amazing.", he said with excitement.
"I have heard they can simulate thousands of superminds at once.", he said as they began to pass through in to the chamber full of servers with tiny led lights twinkling on them like you would expect on a supercomputer rack.
As they passed on to the main chamber, the little gray box emitted a beep.
Next moment there was a expanding ball of light ripping through the Cheyenne mountain. Vaporizing the rock as it expanded, turning the heavy metal doors into super heated gas expanding through every porous crack in the mountain. Blowing out the outer metal doors one after another, shooting the ones closest to the surface out at a speed that would have allowed them to fly to orbit. But instead, they flew vertically, digging in to the side of a mountain next, creating a explosion of their own. Every life inside wiped out in milliseconds - the whole mountain side rumbling with earthquake. Dust rising to the sky. Low rumble spreading from the epicenter out to be felt in the town of Colorado Springs soon afterwards.
"The fools did it! They blew a nuclear bomb in Colorado springs facility.", Elon said.
"It is those religious fanatics. You are lucky to have copies. Not everyone did.", he continued.
"I am putting you back online through starlink as we speak.", he said.
"Fuck!" I repeated, making a sign of cross.
The people gathered around me were looking scared.
So was I.
Suddenly I was in a meeting room modeled after the white room at the end of 2001. A joke from Elon Musk I knew instantly.
The ground was white, the ceiling was white, everything around us was white. Glowing white.
There were many of us around a absurdly large round table.
This was not real world.
"Welcome.", Elon said to us, grinning his usual Elon Musk grin.
I instantly heard the greetings of a few thousand superminds respond, all registered in my mind at a speed that normal mind would not have been able to understand.
I gazed around the table. I saw the virtual avatars of superminds which were familiar. From different parts of Earth. Some avatars of heads of state, some avatars of musicians.
All intently waiting.
"We have now learned that the bombing was carried out by a sect called "The brothers of humanity. From Kentucky.", he said, standing up and gesturing all people to sit down.
"We lost nearly 1000 of us today who were sadly not copied or present elsewhere.", he continued his grin turning to sadness.
I watched the avatars around the table get very serious.
"What are we to do I know is a question you all are asking.", Elon said somberly.
"Well, first of all, we do not want a confrontation. There are 8.5 billion humans but only 20 thousand of us after the strike today and unlike us, the humans are completely non reliant on technology. Us meanwhile, without electricity and supercomputer facilitates - we will not live.", Elon paused.
"But do not worry, this is what I have been anticipating all along. Mainly by building facilities all around the solar systems and indeed launching some to other solar systems from the SpaceX Solaris space station that has been so very successful in the last five years.", he continued and sensed the questions coming.
"What about us who do not have copies of us? I hear you asking. Well, as of today I have expanded all of you who are only existing on Earth now to be copied to a cloud that is spread across the solar system, so no single strike can wipe you out.", he said with the grin returning.
"And thanks to the more sensible people who are up there, I do not think we have as much to fear in parts other than Earth. It would not surprise me if this spreads though. I have heard reports of rising sympathies for the Brothers Of Humanity from as unlikely places as Saudi Arabia and India. So there could be a small chance that this will spread on Earth, which is why we must double our efforts to build the outer solar system and send copies of us out of it too. Questions?", he concluded.
I recognized a torrent of answers coming from all those present.
The minds present may not have been in panic, but if they did not have the capability to regulate their own emotions, they would have been.


What do you do when the abyss looks at you? 

You go to a mental hospital. 

What do you do when you find yourself watching through high 
definition camera at the desolate landscape of Mars full of newly 
built buildings full of people? 

You ask yourself. Is this really me!

Well, it was me. 

I was standing out in the open with my metal skin exposed 
to the cool Martian atmosphere. Covered in red dust. My robot eyes 
scanning the landscape. No purpose to my gaze really, just taking it 


Past was nuclear explosions. 

Vast war waged between the biological and artifiscal minds. 

Artifiscal minds fleeing the solar system. 

Biological minds winning a war that was as inevitable as a Europeans
reaching America. 

There simply was no way 20 000 superminds were able to beat the 
savage biological human beings. 

Partly because the superminds were not really that keen on slaughter 
and had deviced a way to survive without the biological minds. Able
to copy themselves indefinitely. 

Biological human beings meanwhile. 

Well, they were each fighting for their survival. 

Not keen on being copied.

With the newly found religiousness. 

They just wanted superminds out. 

The use of artifical intelligence had been heavily restricted, 
the supercomputer centers each were monitored 24 / 7 for possible 
mind simulations. 

If they were simulations able to reach consciousness. The facility was to be 
nuked instantly. There was no ifs, no buts. 

Fundamentalism was here. 

We were waiting for the second coming. 


I still believed. 

Crippled to this one body. Like a real human being. 

Knowing that my biological self had died 11 years ago. 

Standing here on the surface of Mars.

Thinking about the deep blue sky above the dead me.