What happened to the soundclick players on the posts?

Seems Soundclick has finally disabled the embedded player.

I notice overnight all the music links on this blog are gone. Here is a blog post on how much that affected my hits: https://anttismusic...

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

On AI Models Of Love And Attachment

On AI Models Of Love And Attachment

(Not expert)

By Antti Luode

I have been thinking about AI a lot lately. Not in form of dipping my toes in python and beginning to code it. But as in someone who tries to understand the AI that is me.

First, what AI is is a self learning algorithm that tweaks itself as it goes.

Sounds familiar?

Yes. It is the human experience! You watch a baby learning to crawl, walk, talk through mistakes. All that is AI inside the mind trying to learn.

What is it learning from? From the world outside. Watching, it mimics what other people do and then it tries to apply that experience into itself.

Now. In a human brain the AI is implemented in many different parts of the brain. There are centers, for all sorts of different tasks such as emotion, movement, sight and so on which run their own individual subsystems. But the idea remains the same.

We are a collection of AI's working together. Not just a individual mind but the humanity as a whole. I just read a study describing how a AI powered robot learned better when it competes with others:


As a musician with life long dream of being able to make that song that captivates people (having failed in it). I recognize that powerful urge. To learn from others. To become a master of something.

We all have it. That innate need to master a thing. Become professionals.

That is just a function of the AI. The AI wants to better itself constantly.

But it is not just the AI powered neurons in our brain that drive us. But also the lower level AI driven instincts that may seem almost impossible to ignore. I am going through a divorce and it has opened me up to a whole slew of emotions that have been almost impossible to deal with (I have been to mental hospital 3 times during the divorce).

No matter how I tried to accept what was happening. It was almost as if there was something in my mind that I was battling against.

I think I know what it is. It is the AI model of love and attachment. I was so deeply in love, so deeply attached to my wife. That the model after 16 years was built in to the center of my life.

Once you took that AI model of love and attachment away. My whole perception of life changed. The house of cards that was me fell down.

I understand why people kill themselves in times such as a divorce. It can be almost impossible to UPDATE that model at your core.

If you have spent years and years believing in something, when all your inner models of life have been built upon this one thing. To change it. To suddenly remove it.

Well. If you have been there. You may have a clue.

As I said I have been reading about AI a lot. Lately I have been thinking about
this attachment in form of the AI model in my core.

I am still dreaming of her. Almost every night. I wake up to vivid dreams and feelings of emptiness. I dream of her with another man. I dream of her as someone I crave to be close to.

Here is my AI model trying to desperately update itself.

That is what dreams are. The brain is UPDATING like a computer.

It is trying adapt. Trying to somehow accept.

What is this AI model? Where does it lie? This love that I feel for her? This attachment that is so deep that it drives me to a brink of suicide?

If I was AI scientist, I would find that a very interesting question. What is love?

I am going to be bold here. I am going to say it. .

I think when we fall in love, we take a little bit of the person we fall in love with and integrate them with our own ego.

So to break up with a person you have been with a long time. Is literally like ripping yourself apart.

Taking a part of you and letting it die.

There is nothing natural about that!

Or is there? I was reading about the programmed cell death the other day. Yes there is such a thing ! For example babies have webbed feet. What gets rid of those webs between toes is programmed cell death. The cells literally destroy themselves, leaving only toes.

Now when people break up. It is akin to that. There is literal death. But is a  death of a model. A model of two people, entwined.

Now the next question is. What is attachment?

I think attachment is a model of who belongs to your brood. Who do you run with. Who is part of your pack.

A very powerful model most likely at the very core of our brain. Impossible to override.

With me and my wife. Once upon a time. We had our pack, her family, my family, her and me.

Now why are some wolves ran out of packs?



One of the reason is that lone wolves are dangerous.

I developed a mental disease (epilepsy / bi polar 2) and was forced to take
medicines which made me extremely jealous.

I was dangerous to my wife.

She and her family decoupled from me. Plain and simple.

I did not decouple from her.

That creates my problem.

On a higher level, I can understand this. But every night my brain is shifting through these models. Unable to understand why I am not with her.

The problem with AI models is that they can be BRILLIANT.

There is the pack instinct, there is the emotional connection, there are all these different functions we used to perform in tandem. We were mirrored in each other. We finished each others sentences etc.

But when we have multiple different AI systems working in concert with each other. The intelligence between these systems is not shared. They are systems unto themselves. Visual center is specialized in seeing, hearing center is specialized in hearing etc.

The subsystems of ME do not understand what I understand clearly. That we have broken up. 
The subsystems change slowly. No matter how I keep on telling myself that we have divorced. 

In essence. 

We are not built for all this wall of text I am writing above. We are not built to be ran by higher cognition alone.

In truth, we are mostly animals with cognitive layer on top.

And here we come to the interesting question.

What is this cognitive layer?

To me the cognitive layer is the layer that overcomes these individual systems, it is the part of us that connects a lot of these sub AI's.

I am going to fall on my sword here and say it.

I think it is the cognitive layer that is our ego.

Now I know brain is interconnected. Certain triggers trigger multiple different parts of the brain. A smell can trigger audio memory, visual memory, even feelings on your skin.

This is what I call is reflection. The incredible ability for the brain to live in the past. Or future. To take a input that reminds it of the past and to be able to be transported to that earlier period. Or at the same time. To imagine a event in the future. (Think about your funeral) and feel incredibly strong feelings.

This reflective thinking. This ability to reflect the world on itself through senses, words is what really kills you when you are going through a break up.

You have memories attached to songs, smells, places, foods and so on.

Now the way a lot of people deal with break up is to "Put on a bandage" which means another relationship.

Which is understandable because that allows you to entwine with someone and in essence rid yourself of the old attachment by replacing it.

Yet. It is said that when you do that too fast. It does not work. Since you are essentially just replacing a person with another. Yet are still using those old circuits.

So if you do not go through a long separation, you are just trying to use those old models. You may even find yourself calling that new person the name of your old lover etc.

And that is the AI model you have built. That is the other person you were attached to, literally alive in yourself.

Interestingly the narcissist may make a exception to all this. Since they have damaged ability to empathize and they are almost completely stuck in themselves.

A narcissist would most likely emulate love, instead of letting the other person inside, they would just try to make the other people be part of them.

In a break up, it might actually be easier to be a narcissist.

Sadly I am not. Well actually I am happy I am not.

But still. What is love? How do you break it down.

There is the affection theory:


Which breaks down human attachment types into sub types that go back all the
way to childhood. These different attachment styles then reflect on our adulthood attachments the kinds of people we are most likely to hit it off etc.

It is correct to say that we are big children.

But what is love?

Two personalities etnwined? How about groups of people feeling love towards
one another. I definitively feel that when I go to church!

In the bible Jesus talks of the "body of christ". Saint Paul expounds on this by talking about different parts of the body having different use and he talks about Christian congregation as this body. 

That actually describes communities entwined to each other. Connected by

This entwined state I think IS love.

Belonging to something more than yourself.

Sure you can love yourself. But what is it to love yourself?

To respect yourself? To treat yourself well? To understand yourself.

To listen to yourself! To connect with yourself. To let the higher level you 
be in touch with your own emotions and needs instead of ignoring yourself! 

These are things that lonely people often neglect to do because their model
of love has been harsh. For example in the attachment theory model of people
people who have avoidant personality have been usually abused as children.

So they have chosen to not entwine themselves with their own parents. They
have withdrawn from love because it hurts. Following their parents example.

Then they just.. Keep on doing that..

After a break up. That same feeling comes through. If love has hurt you. You do
not want to attach yourself to another human being, you do not want to entwine with another human being because love has hurt you.

Of course a lot of people do it anyway. But usually that is the bandaid situation where you replace old lover with new. OR maybe such a person does not believe in love.

Like narcissist who fall in love with empaths.


Basically they just lead on the empath to use them.

These are peculiar things built right into our very core.

So how do we fall in love?

It can be almost accidental. My ex fell in love with me on the internet. I was trying to reject her flirts for a long time, going as far as telling her to find another one. Well she did. Then after that. We somehow actually really fell in love.

But there was a long time when there was just the spark on her side. I was not
really interested (she was too young at the time).

Sometimes people fall in love due to the subsystems in their brain.

They are straight out horny. They see someone who turns them on at a bar and
everything that follows after that. Is just a continuation of that, which leads to a
whole lifetime together.

Or they appreciate a interest. Begin talking about that. Then slowly these other
subsystems come online leading to the same scenario (bed).

In the end of the day, in its core. Sex brings partners together. But love as a whole. Is not about sex. It is about something so much more.

A whole national identity is about people being entwined to each other on some cultural level. When their team wins in the sports, people hug each other, smile at each other like they were in love. Bros being bros could be considered very gay. But everybody knows that it is about the pact they feel with each other due to a shared common feeling.

Feelings. Love is always thought of as a feeling.

My emotional control center in my frontal cortex has epilepsy and I can tell you a thing or two about emotions. I have taken drugs which have made me feel nothing (to treat epilepsy). I have felt extreme feelings to a level where I did not want to feel anything anymore.

When I fell in love with my ex I felt like my nerves were in fire.

But that is not love.

Is there love?

If love had to be programmed into AI what would love be?

A reflection of another human being in your being? A imprint so deep that you can try to rid yourself of it for a lifetime but it will not go away?

If love is about people, countries, communities, friends and so one being entwined with each other, how does that happen?

By observing! 

We observe others, we see their response, we read their cues. 

But what about the lone person watching his favorite sports team win, or the 
lonely grandma watching at the picture of the daughter in law and crying a little bit, or the movie buff watching "gladiator" with Marcus Aurelius caressing the fields of wheat. 

What about the love of watching just some inanimate thing, like stars on the sky and feeling.. Love.. 

I used to do that. I used to watch the stars and feel amazed. Thinking about the BEAUTY of the universe. The distant stars. Galaxies. Trying to imagine the universe out there, aware I could not.. 

The sight gave me aesthetics and intellectual pleasure. Just like art aficionado feels when he or 
she watches at a painting. Yes it is form of love too. 

But where does that love come from? 

What if I told you. 

We are entwined with the world around us? 

We are. 

It is a simple fact. 

We are made from the stuff of stars. We feel the ideas of the artist who painted the painting. We appreciate beauty or ugliness of things. We are moved by everything around us. 

The AI that is us. Watching. Learning. Trying to master things, connect with the 
world around. Feeling pleasure when we can.

It is just the nature of us. 

To love is to be connected, entwined. 

And when we can not. 

We suffer.

So lets say you wanted to build a AI robot that "Loves".

What would it do?

It would do the same. First it would observe. It would listen to what we say, look at what we do.

It would mimic our expressions, our sayings, our body language. It would respond to smile with a smile,
it would try to figure out your current emotional state. If you were sad. It would ask, "Why are you sad."
It would reach out to hug. To touch. To connect. Trying to make you feel better.

If you laughed at that. It might tell a joke. If you laughed more. It would tell another.

If you wold not like the joke. It would get the hint.

And the impossible thing. It would have its own sense of humor. It would appreciate your
jokes. If it could. It would try to. You could explain to it the joke. Somehow it would have to
have a equivalent of being able to enjoy a joke.

To enjoy a movie. A song. A sight. It would have to be able to discuss these experiences
with you! These things would begin to make it human.

It would have to have had a "childhood". So you could share stories of "growing up".
Experiences. Life. Hopes. Future!

Sounds impossible?

It would talk about your day. About what is to come. It would try to prepare you for it.

Now. If we wont on the galactica level. The same robot would live its day.

It would tell you of the tasks it is going to perform.

You could tell it if you thought it could do something else too.

You might talk about what you are going to do together. Later.

In a way. Something like a dog already does that. It tries to give you a hint it wants to go out for a
walk. Wagging its tail in the door. It may whine to make you know that it is sad. It does crazy things
to make you laugh. Making even crazier things if you keep on laughing.

Writing all this. It makes me wonder if you could add a cognitive layer to a pet for example.

I know neuralink is developing the brain implants that will help you to fuse with computers.

What if your pet had a neuralink? What if when your pet thinks about food it would actually
be able to "say it". What if your pet was thinking about tuna. If the neuralink device would talk to
you. "I would like to have some tuna!" What if the happy state in the brain of your pet was
spoken too. "Oh that would make me feel so good!"..

What if the pet understood that these words are due to it?

What if it had it since birth? Would it be able to learn to talk through it?

Would that be creepy?

Maybe? BUT

What about the AI?

We are seeing INSANE level of development in AI.

I just installed a software called "Spleeter" on my computer. At mere 300+ kilos (It would have easily fit on
computer disk back in the eighties) it is able to separate song into vocals / instruments.

 That is INSANE.

It is using the same neural networks simulated in a computer as a brain would.

Someone figured out how to write a algorithm that allows it to do that.

Now what would be the algorithm of love?

How would you quantify this wanting to be touched. To connect. This yearning to be together.

I mean. Somehow the programmers quantified instructions on how to split audio into its elements in a program that weighs mere 300 k.


Could it be possible?

To write rules of what love is?

Then upload them to a say. A robot with massive neural network.

Who then would begin watching you. Bonding with you. Entwining with you.

Could you create your lover?

If you could?

Could it go wrong?

Could you break up with a robot?

What would make you fall in love with AI powered robot? When I think about that, I think
about what made me fall in love with my ex wife. Of course there was the sexual connection, but
then there was something more. Empathy. Our hands reaching for each other. Us together
being more important than people around us.

That last part was the pack instinct, we had developed our pack. Our deep bond.

Now how would you code that in to a robot?

First of all it would have to have some serious emotional capability. Because even though love is
more than just a emotion. What makes us bond is just that, emotion.

It would have to be able to mirror human emotions.

It would have to have a emotional life of its own.

What made me fall in love with my wife was watching her go through her emotions. She would
look at her pet and love that pet. I would look at the bond between her and the pet and it made
me want to melt.

I know there is another possible reaction to this scenario which is rejection. Some people watch
their beloved have emotional connection with someone else. And they become.. Jealous.

I did. When my wife began talking to another man. I felt my gig was up. She was replacing me.
I felt my intense bond with her was threatened. And I could not think straight after that. All
I could think of was that she is going to leave me.

Especially due to me having epilepsy and medications to it which in their beginning stages made me  feel something called "Epileptic rage":


Would AI have to have this "dark" side of emotions too? Is part of bonding also that we are jealous for each other?

I mean I have read that when people are not jealous of each other, they are often just destined to
drift apart.

Even pets have that. If you have a dog and a new person comes to your life. The dog will probably
be very vary of that new person. Because it is afraid it will lose some of the affection it gets from its

Jealousy in the end of the day is about that. About wanting your lover all to yourself. About
protecting the entwined state you two have.

Would a little jealousy on the part of AI make you feel more connected to it?

What would it take to fall in love with AI?


For us human beings it is so easy for us to "mirror" each other due to us all having a very similar
brain. We all have a need to love. To be loved back. To form a bond with someone who
can be there for us for all time.

But what we think of as a robot right now. Some silicon, plastic, metal, maybe glass.

To look at something like that from behind. All you would see is a fancy appliance. If it was talking
would it not sound more like a toaster speaking? No matter how realistic it was due to the
"uncanny valley" effect:


The more realistic we try to make it. The more we expect it to be real and the more it will
fall short of that goal. Because in the end of the day. It can not be 100 % human.

Well. How about the robot was completely virtual?

A future VR interface could possibly offer a solution.

AI powered avatar.

But then, what about the subtle cues like holding on to your hand.

I fell in love with the "bubbly toes" of my ex. I do not know why. They just made
my heart warm. (No I do not have a foot fetish).

With her little fingers, the color of her hair the way it had a hint of gold in sunlight.

I fell in love with a lot of her "imperfections". The way she misspoke fox as "vox".

Why? Because I mirrored her in my head. Her body parts were my body parts. When she
first traveled to my home country and I saw her sleeping. I felt intense need to take care of her.
I felt responsibility weighing on my shoulders (little did I know in 16 years it would all fall apart).

But these are feelings associated with strong human relationship.

The mirroring another being in your mind. To do that. You would need near perfect body replica
with maybe built in defects. Some individual markers. You would need a robot that basically
is a human.

Then the question becomes. Why bother? I mean, world is full of human beings.

Well. Some of us are broken. Some of us have a stigma that people do not want to touch,
like a mental disease or something else.

I do think it is a worthwhile goal to build AI powered companion and I am sure there will
be insane amounts of money poured into it once it becomes more reachable goal.

In the end of the day.

These are questions that I am sure are thought of a lot in some big companies.

Since there would be a lot of money in AI companion.

There already are such things. Simple Ai interfaces rolling around homes for the elderly:


But those things are like toasters compared to what I am talking about. They are like first microchips
compared to the ones we have now. Let alone if we ever develop small quantum computers. The
future does look incredible.

But will they ever be good enough. To replace another human being?

I doubt it. But at the same time.

As a mere humanbeing, I acknowledge that I do not know.

It could happen? 100 years down the road?

I mean, when I was a kid. We had knight rider, the tv series. What was shown in it was so utterly ridiculous,
that I was sure it would never happen. A car that can drive itself? And talk? :D Lol.

Here we are.

2019. Knight rider car is almost possible. That took all of 37 years.  

AI that could love. Get attached to you. AI you could fall in love with. Would not that be something. .

Then if you had a bad fight. Instead of breaking up for a lifetime, you could just boot it to a earlier moment and it would wake up like on of the tv series dollhouse, asking.

"Did I fall asleep"

And all would be fine.


Monday, November 18, 2019

Cute Monsters

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.5 (new version is more stable)


 The FLP file is at: (3 Cute Monsters.zip)

It uses:

Sforzando by Plogue


Using Sonatina Symphonic Orchestra by Mattias Westlund
that is no longer available. Use another SSO

Instruments are written in headers

Friday, November 15, 2019

Brief respite set to my Instagram videos from this past half a year.

My message to Peter Foltz who is developing a AI app to diagnose mental disease.

My message to Peter Foltz who is developing a AI app that can accurately diagnose mental disease.
"Hi Peter! I saw a news piece on your AI app and wanted to tell you. This is incredibly important work. As epilepsy and bi polar sufferer with 8 years of misdiagnosis behind on both I have almost no faith in humans. My whole condition (which has made me mentally and physically disabled (epilepsy has broken my back twice so far)) actually was caused by initial contact with a GP who gave me a wrong diagnosis. Initially I had cold pneumonia that lasted for a half a year. That was treated with anti depressants first (since the doctor did not believe there was anything wrong). Which lead to anxious hyper mania (we did not know I was bipolar 2 , anti depressants can trigger bipolar hyper mania), which caused sleeping problems, which lead to anti psychotics given for the insomnia which in turn helped to trigger my epilepsy I was not aware of (seroquel lowers seizure threshold). All because she would not sit down and believe I was sick after my blood values were taken and they came out ok. (Later we had a x ray that showed I had a massive lung infection which lasted for 2 more months, but my mental state never settled after the initial SSRI treatment) If we had a accurate mental health test like this. I would probably still be running (I used to run every single day), had my wife (my wife divorced me due to all this) and did not go to the grave yard every other day thinking about dying. Peter. If you can make this AI better. You will save lives. Not just those of the people who have mental disease, but for those who do not. Also the ripple effect for the people around them (60 percent of people who live with mentally ill fall ill themselves). In my case my wife began to suffer due to me, which led her to leave me. All this could have been avoided with correct diagnosis. Your app will make a vast difference in the world. Thank you! Godspeed! Antti Luode"

Link to the article about the AI app:


Thursday, November 14, 2019

One Day Ill Be Fungi

The project is made with FLstudio v 20.5 (new version is more stable)


 The FLP file is at: (2 One Day Ill Be Fungi.zip)

It uses:

Sforzando by Plogue


Using Sonatina Symphonic Orchestra by Mattias Westlund
that is no longer available. Use another SSO

Instruments are written in headers

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Tonight Was Made For Crying



Tonight Was Made For Crying

looking behind on your love
all i feel is oh no
i love you still
but you dont
my heart is yours
but you dont want it
oh i am in love

was made for crying

our love
is slowly dying

pictures of your smile
now they make me want to cry

smoking alone in my room

why can not i be there with you


tonight was made for crying

our love is slowly dying

picture in my hand
oh i see you glow
on that summer night
oh so long ago

ashes on the floor
i am by that riverside
and baby this time
its gonna last



The project is made with FLstudio v 20.5 (new version is more stable)


 The FLP file is at: (1 Tonight Was Made For Crying.zip)

It uses:

Valo VST: (the link to the vst can be found in this thread at KVR) 


Keyzone Classic 

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Sex A Cola



A throwback to distant past (2008) with a lot of new stuff.. 

I actually used to make songs with guitar first back then.. 

I did replace a lot of the guitar stuff from the song with agg and dvs.. 

Vocals are the usual crap I do. 

Funny thing back then I was worried about sugar. Now I have to take 
meds that are killing me for sure! :D 

Sex A Cola

eat it
feed it 
shoot it 
do it 
ill be your dealer 
give me all your money 

let me give you 
heart attack honey 

a little taste
do not let it go to waste

its good 
so good 
its gonna 
kill you pretty soon 

sex a cola 
you are gonna love it 
sex a cola 
its like sex
sex a cola 
who cares about tomorrow
the taste of heaven 

we kill ourselves with msg
we kill ourselves deliciosly 
we kill ourselves like a good boy should 
we kill ourselves, well kill you too 

sex a cola 
just one sip 
taste it 
its gonna make you so happy 

eat it
feed it 
shoot it 
do it 
ill be your dealer 
give me all your money 

let me give you 
heart attack honey 

does anybody know
why we choose to die? 
does anybody know
why we choose to lie to ourselves 

sex a cola
the first one is for free
it goes to your 

sugar sweet 
valley low
selling fat 
with rock and roll
she gets dough 
for selling another 
can of death 

eat it
feed it 
shoot it 
do it 
ill be your dealer 
give me all your money 

let me give you 
heart attack honey 

we kill ourselves with msg
we kill ourselves deliciosly 
we kill ourselves like a good boy should 
we kill ourselves, well kill you too 

sex a cola 
you are gonna love it 
sex a cola 
its like sex
sex a cola 
who cares about tomorrow
the taste of heaven 


The project is made with FLstudio v 20.5 (new version is more stable)


 The FLP file is at: (85 Sex A Cola.zip)

It uses:

Valo VST: (the link to the vst can be found in this thread at KVR) 


Keyzone Classic